Living in Isolation: The Heart’s Secrets

Quote: “My toxic trait is I don’t speak up, I notice, I feel, I distant, I stop caring. Is what I wish I was capable of doing again”

My toxic trait, I know it well,
It’s one I’ve held since time can tell,
To keep my thoughts and feelings close,
And keep myself from getting close.

I used to speak up, let it out,
But found it only caused more doubt,
And so I learned to keep it in,
And keep my heart from feeling thin.

I notice things, but hold them back,
To keep myself from going off track,
And if it seems like I don’t care,
It’s only my defense I bear.

I keep myself at arm’s length now,
A safety net I can allow,
To keep my heart from being hurt,
And stay in solitude, inert.

So though it may be toxic, true,
I wish to stay this way anew,
And keep myself from being hurt,
By keeping others from my turf.

For in this way, I feel I’m safe,
And can survive this life, this race,
And though it may not seem like much,
It keeps me from the world’s cold touch.

04/30/202305/04/2023Kizzie, Ersell 2 Comments

The End of Us (Poem)

The words flew fast like bullets shot,
A battle waged, a love distraught.
Isheal and Tituba, in heated debate,
The end of their relationship, sealed by fate.

Isheal was shocked, to hear “okay”,
Tituba’s acceptance, of the end of their way.
He wanted a fight, to see her care,
But Tituba was done, beyond repair.

“You’re throwing it all away,” he cried,
But Tituba knew the truth, she didn’t hide.
“You wanted to break up, not me,
Why should I beg, on bended knee?”

Isheal wanted her to change his mind,
To make him believe, in love that’s blind.
But Tituba knew, it wasn’t her role,
To fix what was broken, to make him whole.

Desperate pleas, fell on deaf ears,
Tituba was done, had no more tears.
“Why do you want to end this love we made?”
Isheal stammered, his words delayed.

Tituba knew the truth, she saw the signs,
Isheal was testing her, playing with minds.
“This relationship was never meant to be,
Don’t contact me again, I’ve set myself free.”

And with that, Tituba walked away,
Leaving Isheal alone, with nothing to say.
Their love was over, a thing of the past,
A story ended, one that couldn’t last.

04/28/202304/28/2023Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

End Of Us (Convo/Story)

Isheal: We should break up

Tituba: Okay.

Isheal: Okay?

Tituba: Yeah okay.

Isheal: Just like that?

Tituba: What do you want me to do?

Isheal: IDK, I JUST WASN’T EXPECTING “okay”.

Tituba: What, you want me to fucking beg for you to stay?

Isheal: No, it just seems like you’re throwing this all away.

Tituba: I’m throwing it all away? Are you okay? Did you hit your damn head somewhere?

Isheal: Yeah, it’s like you don’t even care…

Tituba: You’re the one who wanted to break up with me. How is this my fault my nigga.

Isheal: UR NOT EVEN WILLING TO FIGHT FOR US!!

Tituba: Fight for what?? There is no us it’s all you sweety. What you’re really looking for me is to fight with you and I’m not finna waste my time doing that.

Isheal: CHANGE MY MIND. MAKE ME BELIEVE IN US AGAIN!!

Tituba: You want me to do that? I think you are placing the responsibility on the wrong person here don’t you think.

Isheal: You decide if we should stay together.

Tituba: My brain is hurting listening to this insolent fuckery coming from your mouth. Babe you already decided and I’m just respecting your decision.

Isheal: I’ll take it back if you say so. Just say the WORD!!

Tituba: If I decided to stay with someone who wanted to break up I’d be crazy you know that right.

Isheal: can’t you just reassure me that we’ll be okay. I’ll forget.

Tituba: Desperate is not the word I can use to describe how you acting right now.

Isheal: I’m not desperate or whatever else you can think to call me.

Tituba: Curious about why you want to end our relationship. Speak fast before I stop caring.

Isheal: It just felt like you (Tituba cuts her off)

Tituba: Like I didn’t care about you? You make me fucking laugh you know that.

Isheal: Laugh? I just feel that I can never get close to you. You keep pushing me away.

Tituba: You trying to rush this relationship. You may be ready to skip some steps but it doesn’t mean I am ready to do that.

Isheal: See? You are (Tiuba cuts her off again)

Tituba: You never asked me. Stop jumping to conclusions about me not caring about you at all. I feel like you did this all just to see if I cared or not right?

Isheal: Now your jumping to (Gets cut off again)

Tituba: Yes or No?

Isheal: …

Tituba: I see. You know testing me instead of just communicating shows this relationship was never meant to work out. Don’t give me any excuses as well. I’m done listening to you so Ima just leave. Don’t think about contacting me either. I blocked you and deleted your number throughout this whole conversation.

04/28/202304/29/2023Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Unheard Fury

What the poem is about:

“Me: I understand your anger bu-

Makayla: You don’t understand my anger!! If you did, you wouldn’t have gotten rid of me so easily.”

Her anger boiled like a stormy sea,
As she raged, “You don’t understand me!”
Her words sharp, slicing like a knife,
Bleeding out the pain of a severed life.

“I trusted you, I gave you my all,
And yet you let me go, like a forgotten doll.
You discarded me, as if I meant nothing,
Leaving me alone, hurt and suffering.”

Her fury burned with a fiery passion,
As she railed against this callous action.
“You don’t know me, you never did,
Or else you would have fought to keep me, kid.”

Her anger was raw and real,
A wounded heart that refused to heal.
So listen closely, and heed her plea,
And maybe then, you’ll truly see.

04/27/202304/27/2023Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Complex Web

The lyrics I portrayed in a song are from Introverted by Zotiyac. The lyrics are at the bottom.

I hope for the best, but don’t believe it
Trust is hard, and I’m not easily deceived
I keep my distance from others, no regrets
For I know the pain that comes from making bets

She trusted me once, but now I don’t know
The reasons why we drifted, why we let it go
Memories of our love, still fresh in my head
But the motives that changed, are still left unsaid

Long nights, arguments, and making up
Moments of passion, but never enough
I held her close, when she cried her tears
My shoulder wet, with the weight of her fears

She loved me, but I can’t believe
For my heart, remains hard to retrieve
Affectless, in the face of her affection
A shield I wear, to protect my reflection

Relationships, they come and go
Trust, love, regret, and woe
A complex web, that we all must weave
To find the balance, that we can all believe.

[Lyrics]
"I don't believe it, but I hope the best 
I don't fuck with people, so I leave 'em without no regrеt 
She ain't have to trust me and shе did, but 
I don't know the rest 
Start off unconditional become a different motive next 
Long nights embedded in my head that 
I ain't gon' forget 
Argue 'til we fuck, you cancel work and now we overslept 
Member I would hold you when you cry, it got my shoulder wet 
She just wanna love me, don't believe her so it’s no affect"

04/26/2023Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Androids Wish

Song quote: “But I could benefit even more from being an android with a string to pull, and slit in the back for the mass to slip in coins” 1 pm tomorrow? by Zotiyac

Oh, to be an android, devoid of heart and soul,
No emotions to contend with, no sense of self-control.
A string to pull, a slot for coins, the routine of the day,
No complexities, no nuances, just life in a monotonous way.

The masses slip their coins, and watch the android go,
Performing, producing, with no sense of ebb or flow.
No need for personal growth, no call for self-reflection,
Just a life of servitude, free from any human connection.

But wait, what of the heart, the love, the passion deep within,
The joys and sorrows, the triumphs and the sins?
To be an android may seem a life so simple and so clean,
But it denies the very thing that makes us human beings.

So let us cherish our emotions, our hearts, and our souls,
For it is what makes us unique, and sets us apart from those
Who wish to be an android, free from all that we hold dear,
A life without the depth and beauty that we all hold so near.

04/25/202304/25/2023Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Iris Stabber

Song quote: “Iris stabber with a glass, I’m collecting until the jar full” 1 pm tomorrow? by Zotiyac

With glass in hand, I pierce the iris,
A stab so sharp, a pain so timeless,
Emotions flow, a jar to fill,
Collecting until, it overfills.

A vessel of glass, to hold it all,
A treasure trove, of rises and falls,
The weight of it, a heavy load,
But I must collect, before it explodes.

My heart aches, my mind a mess,
Each shard of pain, I cannot suppress,
I gather them all, one by one,
Storing them away, until I am done.

The iris stabber, a tool I wield,
To hold my feelings, and never yield,
Until the jar is filled to the brim,
And I can finally breathe, and start again.

04/25/202304/25/2023Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Cloudy Corruption

Created March 21, 2023, 20:00 pm

A path once clear and true
Now veiled in misty hue,
A mind once sharp and bright,
Now clouded by a blight.

The whispers in the ear,
Lead down the crooked sphere,
The thoughts once pure and clean,
Now tainted by a sheen.

The choices once so clear,
Now shadowed by a fear
The steps once bold and sure,
Now stumble insecure.

The vision once so grand,
Now lost in shifting sand,
The life once full of grace,
Now stumbling in a daze.

04/24/202304/24/2023Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Bound by Chains of Twisted Affection

Created March 25, 2023, 8:19 am

A captive heart, held in a love so
strange,
a bond that twists and rearranges,
Emotions tangled, a web of intrigue,
A mind enslaved, unable to break free.

The captor's hold is strong and sure,
Promises of love, so sweet and pure,
But beneath the surface, a darker
force,
A spell of possession, a twisted course.

My heart beats for the captor's hand,
A willing slave to their command,
A love that seems so right, so true,
But beneath the surface, a different might.

The captor's grip is tight and firm,
A twisted love that makes me squirm,
A bond that feels so wrong, so right,
A prisoner to love's twisted might.

Oh, how I wish to be free,
To break the spell and finally see,
That this love is not what it seems,
A captive to a Stockholm dream.