personal

Das Gewicht des Verlustes

As I struggle to make sense of it all,
The weight of grief and loss takes its toll,
And though I try to find a way to cope,
It seems that every ray of hope elopes.

The darkness deepens, as I contemplate,
The fragility of life and its uncertain fate,
And the emptiness that each loss leaves behind,
Is a reminder of the fragility of the human mind.

It’s as if I’m trapped in a never-ending storm,
Each wave crashing against me, leaving me forlorn,
And though I try to stay afloat,
The weight of sadness drags me down the moat.

So I sit and stare into the abyss,
As I ponder on the things that I miss,
And wonder if there’s any way to escape,
This pain that seems to always take shape.

But as the days go by, and the grief lingers on,
I realize that perhaps there’s no way to be reborn,
For loss is a part of life that we all must face,
And it’s a reminder that nothing in this world is in place.

So I’ll carry on, with each passing day,
And though the sadness may never fully go away,
I’ll hold onto the memories that we shared,
And find solace in the love that was there.

Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

“Will the Clouds Ever Clear?” (Very Personal)

Created: March 29, 2023, 19:30

(Wanted to write about me again so here it is)

He walks through life with a weight on
his chest,
A constant reminder of the darkness
within.
Depression clouds his every thought,
And steals the joy from even the 
simplest of things.

He's tried to fight it on his own,
But the battle is too much to bear.
so the robotic pills becomes his crutch,
And he hopes they will help him
repair.
But there's fear that lingers still,
A worry that he can't shake off.
That the clouds will never clear,
And he'll be forever lost in fog.

He wonders if he'll ever be the same,
If the drugs will change who he is.
Or if he'll always be a prisoner,
Trapped by his own minds twisted
abyss.

But for now, he keeps on walking,
One step at a time, through the haze.
His paranoia makes him frantically
look around,
As if he's being watched by some
ominous gaze.

He feels like a prisoner in his own
mind,
Trapped in world of endless gray.
The cloudy pills may bring him some 
relief,
But they can't make the darkness go 
away.

"So what he just keeps walking 
through fog and mist?"

Do you expect him jump?

"Yes I do. It's so  he doesn't have to 
"Live" anymore. Well in it"

Agreed
Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Dimitte sensus tuos (Unhand thy feelings)

Created: March 29, 2023 0:03 - 1:48
Poem request by Persavol 

What useless feelings fill my heart
When I think of days long gone,
Of chances missed and dreams apart,
And all the paths I should have gone.

What embarrassing words I've said
That still echo in my mind,
Oh how I wish I could have fled
And left them all behind.

What useless feelings I possess
When envy creeps into my soul,
And I compare my own success
To others' who've reached their goal.

What embarrassing words I've spoken
In moments of fear and doubt,
And left my heart shattered and
broken,
Wondering what life's all about.

But let me not dwell on the past,
Nor be consumed by regret,
For I know that life moves fast,
And new chances I can get.

So I'll let go of useless feelings,
And the words that make me cringe,
And focus on life's new dealings,
With hope and a steady binge.
Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Indesiderati

Indesiderati.

A cold, sharp word,
A jagged edge that cuts
Through my heart.

Indesiderati.

A weight that bears down,
Heavy and suffocating,
Crushing my spirit.

Indesiderati

A dark, empty space,
A void that swallows me whole,
Leaving me lost.

Unwanted.

I try to reach out,
To find connection,
But my efforts are in vain.

Indesiderati

Alone and forgotten,
I am left to wonder
Why I am unwanted.

Indesiderati.

A word that echoes,
A haunting reminder
Of my pain.

Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Vigilized Mind

Created: October 10, 2022

I don't need your care, I said, 
It's not that you don't give 
It's just that nobody truly cares 
For the real me who lives.
Love is not what I require 
It's not that you don't try 
But nobody truly loves 
The person I keep inside.

The real me is a mystery 
No one knows my true face 
I keep it hidden, locked away 
In an invisible, secluded space.

I yearn to end this life of mine 
But I keep going, day by day 
I move around, in touch with your 
mood 
And never cause your web to fray.

I play your muse, in tune with your 
head 
And never wander off-track 
But I only exist in my own mind 
And enjoy what it has to offer back.

In a world of facades and deceit 
I am lost, unable to hide 
The pain that I carry within 
And the emptiness I can't abide.

But I keep on, hoping somehow 
That things will get better, one day 
And that someone will come along 
Who sees the real me, and will stay.

To care and love the one inside 
That I have kept hidden and sealed 
And maybe, just maybe, 
My true self will finally be revealed.
Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Loathing Who You Are

Created: February 3, 2022

I asked you why you loathe who you are
And you poured out your heart, oh so raw
For years you felt like a burden, a flaw
And put others in positions of shame and awe

You wanted to be a good person, you said
But felt like you were walking on eggshells instead
You went on autopilot to make friends, instead
But it left you feeling empty and filled with dread

I listened as you spoke of trauma and pain
Of feeling chained to a line that kept changing again
Of being held back and treated like a stain
And struggling to trust others without restraint

But I offered you a helping hand
To work through your feelings and help you understand
Together we can heal and build new strands
Of healthier relationships that you can command

So let us continue this conversation, my friend
And journey together to a brighter, happier end
For you deserve to love who you are, without pretend
And embrace the beauty and worth that lies within.

Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment