personal

Surface Tension

Introverted, deep inside,
My struggles I cannot hide.
It ain’t personal, please don’t take,
I’m just reserved, my space I make.

I hope for the best, but don’t believe,
My trust issues, hard to relieve.
I don’t mess with people, no regret,
Long nights embedded, I won’t forget.

I fear a lonely death, it’s true,
No one left, just blackness, no clue.
Can’t smoke my life, just roll away,
Compassion lost, in disarray.

It ain’t you, don’t take the blame,
My issues mine, I’m not the same.
Pointed fingers, it’s not fair,
Counted on you, but you’re not there.

Surrounding aura, a daunting view,
Obstacles, seem insurmountable, true.
Trying to move forward, leave the past,
Covering scars with money, it won’t last.

Introverted, I am on the surface,
Trying to cope, with my purpose.
Deep down, I know I must strive,
To keep moving forward, and stay alive.

Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Chasing My Own Light

 

Everyone was worried about me
As I slipped away from sight
But sometimes you need to set yourself free
And chase your own light

Makayla spoke with concern
And accused me of being selfish
But my happiness had to be earned
And I wouldn’t let it perish

I knew I hurt her and others too
With my five failed attempts
But my mind was in a different hue
And life was taking too many lumps

Makayla’s voice cracked with emotion
As she recounted my frozen state
I had hurt her with my self-destructive notion
And I realized it was too late

But the mind can be a tricky thing
And it’s easy to get lost in the dark
It’s hard to make your spirit sing
When your heart is feeling stark

I tried to apologize
For not telling her the truth
But I could see the hurt in her eyes
As she called me out for my uncouth

I know I was a disappointment
And my actions caused them pain
But I needed to find my enjoyment
And I wouldn’t let it wane

So, Makayla, I’m sorry for it all
And I hope you can forgive
I’ll try to rise after my fall
And start anew and live.

Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

The Halved Mind

Frustration is tossed emphatically at my bearing.
Accusations accumulate in huge amounts like a vermin 
invasion.
"It's your deficiency" and words like "you generally
commit errors" bring outrage.
Outrage which I need to take out on myself and take out
on others. 
I can exceed expectations in my work of decision, I
know I'm more than normal.
The awful gets brought up more and little acclaim is
given to the great. 
Dazed by unmoving words. I'm similar to a detainee
condemned to prison, discharged, and expected to do 
more regrettably.

Decimation rises out of my maddened feelings, I wish
your words could offer an answer.
I need to be a chemist and transform things into gold.
It's amusing how I am a maker of words yet can make
better words in my faultfinders. 
Discussions lead to contentions since I need to be 
heard.

I'm tired of rotating entryways, tired of being pummeled 
by your abominable remarks.
"You have no sound judgment" you state to me, possibly 
I simply wanting to be in fantasy, my wind floating away 
because life is excessively dull. 
Understand that what you state has an impact and that 
Impact can drive someone or stop them from moving.
Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

“Testing Her Heart: A Tale of Moving On”

Created: March 15, 2023 Poem request by Makayla

She walks along the busy street,
Her heart is heavy, her mind replete.
With thoughts of a love that’s lost and gone,
And a new guy who’s come along.

She meets him and her heart beats fast,
But memories of her ex, they last.
She wonders if this is a test,
To see if she’s moved on from the rest.

Her ex, is a piece of shit, she knows,
But memories still linger and grow.
She thinks of him, and she feels weak,
Her heart feels heavy, and her soul feels bleak.

She tries to move on, to let go,
But it’s hard when memories still show.
She wonders if she’ll ever be free,
From the chains that bind her to memory.

She knows that she deserves much more,
Than what her ex had in store.
But still, the new guy reminds her,
Of the one who left her in a blur.

She believes that she’s being tested,
To see if she’s truly vested,
In moving on, in starting anew,
And leaving her ex in the rearview.

 

Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Family

Created: May 27, 2022

Last modified: Jun. 26, 2022, 18:12

Living without them is depressing.
That I had no idea what my life was like without
them.
There are people who have always been there 
for me when I am crazy when i am down, and
especially when I am at my worst.
They accept me for who I am.
They are the only ones who can tell you the
facts.
Even though their words deeply hurt me
But that's why we have best friends.
We have a friendship like that.
We fought occasionally, but what matters most
is that we always forgive each other.
Give one another a chance.
A chance for us to  learn from our mistakes and
to appreciate the true value of friendship.
I consider myself extremely fortunate to have
you.
Not only that but 
as my best friends but being as my FAMILY

 

Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

“I’m Not Schizophrenic”

Cretaed: April 6, 2023, 15:45

I’m not schizophrenic,
I just be seeing shit you can’t,
A world beyond the mundane,
Where imagination roams rampant.

Colors dance before my eyes,
And sounds become symphonies,
My mind is a kaleidoscope,
A universe of mysteries.

I see the beauty in the chaos,
The magic in the mundane,
The invisible becomes visible,
And my soul is sustained.

My visions may be misunderstood,
My reality may be called into question,
But I won’t let their skepticism,
Rob me of my self-expression.

For I am not schizophrenic,
I just have a different view,
A unique perception of the world,
That I’ll always hold true.

Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

The Tale of the Broken Knight and the Deceitful Harlot

Here’s a poem I decided to write about his weirdo of an ex. Can’t believe I didn’t notice it sooner.

Oh Seraphine, the harlot of the night,
Her beauty a mask, her soul a blight,
With a heart of stone and eyes so cold,
She sold her body for silver and gold.

My friend, a victim of her cruel games,
Manipulated, used, and left in shame,
His heart broken, his spirit crushed,
By Seraphine’s deceitful lust.

She stalked him in the shadows of the night,
Her presence a terror, her touch a blight,
She led him down a path of despair,
Leaving him with nothing but pain and fear.

Oh Seraphine, a creature of the dark,
Her actions leaving a permanent mark,
On the hearts of those she preys upon,
Leaving them with nothing but sorrow and gone.

A whore of the night, a devil in disguise,
Her beauty a lie, her soul full of lies,
May she find redemption before it’s too late,
Or forever suffer a lonely and cruel fate.

Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

The Fools Gauntlet

Okay here's another daily poem about the ~ Mark

There's a fool who can't care for
himself 
He's a puppet on strings, a mindless 
elf 
His friends are mad, frustrated and 
sad 
For they see the harm that's been had

He gives and gives, to everyone 
around 
But never to himself, always on the 
ground 
His mind is drilled, it's not his fault 
But his friends can't bear the assault

They watch him dance, to someone's 
tune 
Hoping the strings break, before he's 
ruined 
They see the pain, they feel the hurt 
And know it's not his choice to divert

They try to reason, to make him see 
That he's worth more, than just a 
puppetry 
But the fool can't hear, he can't 
understand 
For his mind is chained, to someone's 
command

His friends won't give up, they'll stand 
by his side 
For they care too much, to watch him 
hide 
They hope and pray, that one day he'll 
break free 
And have control, over his destiny

For a puppet is not meant, to dance 
forever And the strings will break, eventually 
sever 
Then the fool will rise, from his 
slumber 
And take control, of his own number

His friends will be there, to lend a 
hand 
And help him stand, tall and grand 
For true friends don't leave, in times of 
need 
They stay and fight, until they 
succeed.
Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

Echoes of Sorrow: The Hollow One’s Laughter

So I’m not clowning him on this one it’s just he doesn’t talk about this enough and it needs to be known. (He’ll definitely get me for this. sorry, bro I just can’t stand to see you like this any longer it’s been 7 years and it scares me to see it sometimes.

He was taught to keep his emotions in check,
To hide his feelings, to never reflect,
Tears were a sign of weakness and shame,
And so he buried them, playing the game.

He struggled to express himself freely,
His words were empty, his thoughts unruly,
His heart ached, but he could not show,
The pain that he felt, the inner woe.

He tried to be strong, to be a man,
To hold it all in, to have a plan,
But the pressure built, the burden grew,
And soon he found himself feeling askew.

And when he finally broke, the tears did flow,
But all that showed was a man with a bizarre glow,
A smile, a laugh, that seemed out of place,
A broken soul, lost in the race.

For the lessons he had learned were wrong,
And his heart had suffered for far too long,
The tears he shed were not a sign of defeat,
But a release, a freedom, a chance to be complete.

But the damage was done, and the pain remained,
A reminder of the lessons ingrained,
That emotions were to be hidden and disguised,
And that vulnerability was something to despise.

And so he wept, with a smile on his face,
A chilling reminder of his inner disgrace,
A man broken by the rules of society,
Forever lost in his melancholy.

 

 

Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment

The Perpetual Battle Within: A Soul’s Demise

Poem request by Gabs

Within my mind, a war doth rage,
As shadows cast upon life’s stage.
My thoughts like demons, they doth fight,
A battle fierce, a gruesome sight.

The swords they clash, the blood doth spill,
As good and evil war with will.
The light, it flickers, as darkness reigns,
And pain and sorrow, it doth sustain.

The voices echo, like screams of pain,
As the battle rages, with no gain.
The conscience, like a beacon bright,
Doth struggle ‘gainst the demons of the night.

But in the depths, the darkness creeps,
And the soul, it weeps, and the spirit sleeps.
The voice of reason, it fades away,
As the shadows, they take hold and sway.

A struggle fought, but never won,
The battle doth rage, till life is done.
For in this war, there is no light,
And the soul, it doth suffer in endless night.

So let the battle rage, let the darkness reign,
For there is no hope, no end to this pain.
The mind, a battlefield, a soul’s demise,
As the war within, forever lies.

Kizzie, Ersell Leave a comment