Month: April 2023

The Beauty of Selflessness

Created: March 25, 2023

Quote: “I always thought, I might be bad. Now I’m sure that it’s true. Cuz I think you’re so good and I’m nothing Like you.”

I always thought, I might be bad,
A darkness lurking, making me sad,
A gnawing feeling, deep inside,
A constant battle, I cannot hide.

Now I’m sure that it’s true,
For when I see the likes of you,
I’m struck with awe, so pure and bright,
A shining star, in darkest night.

You speak with kindness, without fear,
A beacon of hope, so bright and clear,
A selflessness, I can’t conceive,
A noble heart, that will not leave.

And yet, here I am, in my own skin,
A tarnished soul, that can’t begin,
To match the goodness, that you exude,
A stark contrast, I can’t conclude.

For I am nothing, like you,
No shining star, so pure and true,
Just a mere mortal, with faults and flaws,
And though it hurts, it’s just because.

I see in you, all that I lack,
A shining light, I can’t attract,
But still, I hope to learn from you,
And maybe, one day, be something too.

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Living in Isolation: The Heart’s Secrets

Quote: “My toxic trait is I don’t speak up, I notice, I feel, I distant, I stop caring. Is what I wish I was capable of doing again”

My toxic trait, I know it well,
It’s one I’ve held since time can tell,
To keep my thoughts and feelings close,
And keep myself from getting close.

I used to speak up, let it out,
But found it only caused more doubt,
And so I learned to keep it in,
And keep my heart from feeling thin.

I notice things, but hold them back,
To keep myself from going off track,
And if it seems like I don’t care,
It’s only my defense I bear.

I keep myself at arm’s length now,
A safety net I can allow,
To keep my heart from being hurt,
And stay in solitude, inert.

So though it may be toxic, true,
I wish to stay this way anew,
And keep myself from being hurt,
By keeping others from my turf.

For in this way, I feel I’m safe,
And can survive this life, this race,
And though it may not seem like much,
It keeps me from the world’s cold touch.

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Love-Hate Notice

Quote: "You can't cut me out the frame sadly, 
You're gonna notice me either way cause you 
love and hate me at the same time"

You can’t cut me out the frame,
darling,
My personality is too damn charming,
You love and hate me, it’s all the same,
But my unique essence will always
remain.

I’m not a pretty face, you see,
It’s my personality that makes me
unique,
You can’t cut me out the frame, sadly,
Cause my personality is what you
want, badly.

I’m witty, sarcastic, and oh so fun,
A personality like mine, can’t be
undone,
You’ll notice me, that’s a fact,
Cause my personality is the real
impact.

So let’s not focus on my looks, my
friend,
It’s my personality that you can’t
defend,
You love and hate me, that’s okay,
Cause my personality is here to stay

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The Song of longing: An Ode to Heartbreak

Poem request from Beni

Created: March 4, 2023: 15:29

Oh heart, so heavy and so full of pain,
How can I ever hope to ease this 
strain?
The memories of you, they haunt my 
mind,
I can't escape them, no matter how
hard I try to find.

I made a song, a tribute to our love,
But now it serves as a reminder of 
what I'm deprived of.
The melody is sweet, the lyrics so
true,
But they're bittersweet now, since I'm
missing you.

I try to move on, to find a new start,
But my heart's still longing, it's torn
apart.
I sing the song we made, the one
that's yours and mind,
Hoping yours and mine,
Hoping it will bring you back, hoping
you'll hear the line.

But deep inside, I know it's just a
dream,
That we're just two separate parts of 
a broken team,
The song is all I have, the only link to
you,
And though it's not enough, it's all I
can do.

So I sing it loud, I sing it strong,
And hope that somehow, you'll hear
my song.
For though we're apart, and though it 
hurts so much,
I'll keep singing, until I no longer long
for your touch.

Oh heart, so fragile and so full of pain, 
May this song soothe you, and heal
you again.
May it bring you peace, and may it 
help you see,
That even without them, you'll still be
happy and free.

 

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The End of Us (Poem)

The words flew fast like bullets shot,
A battle waged, a love distraught.
Isheal and Tituba, in heated debate,
The end of their relationship, sealed by fate.

Isheal was shocked, to hear “okay”,
Tituba’s acceptance, of the end of their way.
He wanted a fight, to see her care,
But Tituba was done, beyond repair.

“You’re throwing it all away,” he cried,
But Tituba knew the truth, she didn’t hide.
“You wanted to break up, not me,
Why should I beg, on bended knee?”

Isheal wanted her to change his mind,
To make him believe, in love that’s blind.
But Tituba knew, it wasn’t her role,
To fix what was broken, to make him whole.

Desperate pleas, fell on deaf ears,
Tituba was done, had no more tears.
“Why do you want to end this love we made?”
Isheal stammered, his words delayed.

Tituba knew the truth, she saw the signs,
Isheal was testing her, playing with minds.
“This relationship was never meant to be,
Don’t contact me again, I’ve set myself free.”

And with that, Tituba walked away,
Leaving Isheal alone, with nothing to say.
Their love was over, a thing of the past,
A story ended, one that couldn’t last.

 

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End Of Us (Convo/Story)

Isheal: We should break up

Tituba: Okay.

Isheal: Okay?

Tituba: Yeah okay.

Isheal: Just like that?

Tituba: What do you want me to do?

Isheal: IDK, I JUST WASN’T EXPECTING “okay”.

Tituba: What, you want me to fucking beg for you to stay?

Isheal: No, it just seems like you’re throwing this all away.

Tituba: I’m throwing it all away? Are you okay? Did you hit your damn head somewhere?

Isheal: Yeah, it’s like you don’t even care…

Tituba: You’re the one who wanted to break up with me. How is this my fault my nigga.

Isheal: UR NOT EVEN WILLING TO FIGHT FOR US!!

Tituba: Fight for what?? There is no us it’s all you sweety. What you’re really looking for me is to fight with you and I’m not finna waste my time doing that.

Isheal: CHANGE MY MIND. MAKE ME BELIEVE IN US AGAIN!!

Tituba: You want me to do that? I think you are placing the responsibility on the wrong person here don’t you think.

Isheal: You decide if we should stay together.

Tituba: My brain is hurting listening to this insolent fuckery coming from your mouth. Babe you already decided and I’m just respecting your decision.

Isheal: I’ll take it back if you say so. Just say the WORD!!

Tituba: If I decided to stay with someone who wanted to break up I’d be crazy you know that right.

Isheal: can’t you just reassure me that we’ll be okay. I’ll forget.

Tituba: Desperate is not the word I can use to describe how you acting right now.

Isheal: I’m not desperate or whatever else you can think to call me.

Tituba: Curious about why you want to end our relationship. Speak fast before I stop caring.

Isheal: It just felt like you (Tituba cuts her off)

Tituba: Like I didn’t care about you? You make me fucking laugh you know that.

Isheal: Laugh? I just feel that I can never get close to you. You keep pushing me away.

Tituba: You trying to rush this relationship. You may be ready to skip some steps but it doesn’t mean I am ready to do that.

Isheal: See? You are (Tiuba cuts her off again)

Tituba: You never asked me. Stop jumping to conclusions about me not caring about you at all. I feel like you did this all just to see if I cared or not right?

Isheal: Now your jumping to (Gets cut off again)

Tituba: Yes or No?

Isheal: …

Tituba: I see. You know testing me instead of just communicating shows this relationship was never meant to work out. Don’t give me any excuses as well. I’m done listening to you so Ima just leave. Don’t think about contacting me either. I blocked you and deleted your number throughout this whole conversation.

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Eternal Sentinel

Uneka calls out to Ishnol,
As he walks away, without control.
Leaving her behind, once again,
Without a word, or a thought to spend.

But then, she grabs him by the arm,
And he turns, with his eyes alarmed.
Black and white, with a Nordic sign,
A sight that makes her heart decline.

Ishnol speaks of immortality,
A curse that brings him agony,
Endless pain, and suffering,
A life that’s never-ending.

He’s seen things he wishes he hadn’t,
And his soul has been broken and battered.
He can’t be attached to anyone,
For they will die, while he lives on.

He’s been betrayed and held captive,
His gift a curse, that’s so massive.
Uneka tries to understand,
But he’s too broken to take her hand.

He tells her that immortality is a curse,
A fate worse than death, that’s adverse.
A reminder of one’s own insignificance,
In a universe that’s cruel and indifferent.

So Uneka learns from Ishnol’s pain,
And she’ll never see immortality the same.
For his words are a warning, a call,
To never seek what’s not worth it all.

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Short Convo/Story between two of my characters.

I’ll make a poem out of this convo soon…probably

Uneka: Ishnol where are you going? You can’t just keep leaving outta nowhere like this.

Ishnol ignores walking by roughly bumping into her shoulder. She grabs him making him turn and grab her by her neck. All she could see was his left eye turning black and the right turning white with a Nordic symbol as his pupils.

Ishnol: Do you know the definition of immortality?

Uneka: What (struggling to breathe) the fuck are you talking about?

He then releases her dropping her to the ground as she lands on her knees gasping for air.

Ishnol: It means that my candle and only my candle can not be extinguished. Can you guess how many times my it has gone out just to burn again!! The countless bones I’ve shattered just for them to heal right back. I still feel the pain from my last mission. I’m only 15 and I’ve seen people die in ways no one should ever have to witness. I can’t be attached to people because I will live on as I watch them slowly die in front of me. I’ve been berated, betrayed, held captive, and tortured by this so-called gift I was given. So I ask again do you know the fucking definition of Immortality?

Uneka: It means you live fore-.

Ishnol: No!! It’s a cursed existence that traps one in an eternal cycle of pain, suffering, and loneliness. It is a state where one is condemned to witness the decay and destruction of everything they hold dear, while they themselves remain forever unchanged and stagnant. Immortality is the ultimate manifestation of hubris, a perpetual reminder of one’s own insignificance in the face of an uncaring universe. It is a fate worse than death, an endless nightmare that one can never wake up from, and a curse that can only be bestowed upon those deemed unworthy of true rest and peace in the afterlife.

Ishnol

Uneka

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Unheard Fury

What the poem is about:

“Me: I understand your anger bu-

Makayla: You don’t understand my anger!! If you did, you wouldn’t have gotten rid of me so easily.”

Her anger boiled like a stormy sea,
As she raged, “You don’t understand me!”
Her words sharp, slicing like a knife,
Bleeding out the pain of a severed life.

“I trusted you, I gave you my all,
And yet you let me go, like a forgotten doll.
You discarded me, as if I meant nothing,
Leaving me alone, hurt and suffering.”

Her fury burned with a fiery passion,
As she railed against this callous action.
“You don’t know me, you never did,
Or else you would have fought to keep me, kid.”

Her anger was raw and real,
A wounded heart that refused to heal.
So listen closely, and heed her plea,
And maybe then, you’ll truly see.

 

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Complex Web

The lyrics I portrayed in a song are from Introverted by Zotiyac. The lyrics are at the bottom.

I hope for the best, but don’t believe it
Trust is hard, and I’m not easily deceived
I keep my distance from others, no regrets
For I know the pain that comes from making bets

She trusted me once, but now I don’t know
The reasons why we drifted, why we let it go
Memories of our love, still fresh in my head
But the motives that changed, are still left unsaid

Long nights, arguments, and making up
Moments of passion, but never enough
I held her close, when she cried her tears
My shoulder wet, with the weight of her fears

She loved me, but I can’t believe
For my heart, remains hard to retrieve
Affectless, in the face of her affection
A shield I wear, to protect my reflection

Relationships, they come and go
Trust, love, regret, and woe
A complex web, that we all must weave
To find the balance, that we can all believe.

[Lyrics]
"I don't believe it, but I hope the best 
I don't fuck with people, so I leave 'em without no regrеt 
She ain't have to trust me and shе did, but 
I don't know the rest 
Start off unconditional become a different motive next 
Long nights embedded in my head that 
I ain't gon' forget 
Argue 'til we fuck, you cancel work and now we overslept 
Member I would hold you when you cry, it got my shoulder wet 
She just wanna love me, don't believe her so it’s no affect"
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