Created: May 15, 2019

Last modified: May 19, 2019

In this life
I once felt hope.
I sometimes still believe in this,
but each moment a little less.
I feel abandoned in my despair,
and it’s difficult to repair.
I get broken more each day some more,
keeping these emotions in my core.
I find myself hiding behind this smile,
the one that shows my denial.
I have thoughts of lonesomeness,
which no person should possess.
I camouflage this so well;
it feels like I’m in hell.

I hurt on the inside,
trying to push these demons aside.
I want something better,
to not feel all this terror.
I know it can be manageable;
some things make life tolerable.
I just cannot find the thrill,
like when I was a child with a one-dollar bill.
I remember when dreams were imaginable,
but now it feels like I’m undoubtedly fallible.
I wish to find myself soon.
This feels as if I’m trapped in a cocoon.
I would like to hatch,
not be so detached.
I need to end this coldness,
before death leaves me soulless.