Created: Nov 26, 2022 Last modified: Nov 26, 2022, 01:58 I have something to tell you that I haven't been able to do in a long time. I'm sorry for being myself. Even though I knew it would hurt you, I'm sorry for doing things that make you want to cry. Someday I'd like to forgive myself, but right now I just want to die. Painfully, I simply sat through, ready on my own, For a few reasons to expose myself, each time it failed, I had nothing. To make it acceptable, forgivable, Though you choose to ignore it, the fact that I harm you through my methods, I am aware of what I am doing and continue to do so, Everything is my fault, I see my mistakes, I'm surprised you haven't left me yet, I'm a terrible friend, I believe that, And I do nothing to change the reality, Whatever happens, I'm to blame, Because I don't have a reason, I'm sorry for ignoring the responsibilities I had, I'm sorry for everything I failed to do, I feel terrible for the nights I wasn't there, You were left to cry by yourself, I wasn't there to help…
Month: February 2023
Ihre Verkrüppelte Maske (Your Crippled Mask) Revamped
created: Feb 20, 2019
Last modified: Jul 18, 2019, 13:37
Who is she?
You think I know…
Behind her mask of a
smile is a desperate heart.
hiding tears flowing, slamming
against the walls of her damaged soul
like the rising waterscapes on a stormy day.
You think you see her for who she is,
but she’ll only allow you to see who she wishes was her.
You think you know her story,
the demons that she fights each day,
the scars she bears,
the pain she endures,
and the battles she’s won along the way.
But there’s a side of her that she keeps
hidden,
a vulnerability that she’s afraid to reveal,
a fear that her wounds will never fully heal.
She’s learned to wear a mask,
to hide her true emotions and thoughts,
to keep the world at arm’s length,
to guard her heart against being caught.
So you may never truly, know her,
the depths of her soul and her being,
but if you take the time to listen,
you might hear the songs her heart is singing.
She’s a warrior,
a survivor,
a force to be reckoned with each day,
a fighter who refuses to give up,
no matter what life may throw her way.
So don’t be quick o judge or assume,
or to think you have her all figured out,
for behind that smile and those eyes
She’s a master of disguise,
Crafting facades to protect herself from
prying eyes.
Abusive Relationships
Created: Jun. 9, 2022
Last modified: Jun. 26, 2022, 8:12
I’m beginning to get addicted
to the sensation of
being let down,
It’s becoming an addiction
That I can’t seem to shake
you construct a castle
however, you provide me with no room
to be me
to experience me
I don’t hold hatred toward you
It’s fear that grips me tight
and you’re making me live by
coaching me that love
And fear are one and the same
am I a trophy won
am I a crown that you wear
am I a flower
you add to your garden
am I shining
like gold
for your eyes
If you returned everything
that you took from me,
I wouldn’t even want it back.
you’re poisonous
to all you touch,
your arms rough
with abuse,
tongue laced
with antipathy-
each word
Another falsity.
Optimistic
Created: Feb. 21, 2023
We need some words to lift us,
to fill our hearts with hope and love,
when life seems tough and
the road ahead appears so rough.
Let us rise with strength and might,
and fight the darkness with our light.
Let us embrace life’s joy,
and dance with happiness,
free of strife.
Every day is a gift,
an opportunity to spread our wings and learn to dance,
to chase our dreams and make them come true,
and to find the courage to truly feel.
With every breath, we can choose,
To let our hearts be filled with hues,
Of love, kindness, grace, and joy,
And let our spirits soar, like a buoy.
So hold your head up high, my friend,
And let the love within you blend,
With all the goodness of the earth,
And find your joy, you’re own true
worth.
False Love? Part2
But now I see the truth so clear,
Your promises were insincere.
I was a fool to trust in you,
To believe in all the things you said you'd do.
(Mariana talking in her head as she cries o leave Aster's room↓)
My heart is heavy,
Burdened with pain,
But I know that I must refrain,
From Holding onto false hope and lies,
And from believing your alibis.
I'll pick myself up and start anew,
I'll find the strength to get me through,
I'll leave behind this hurt and sorrow,
And look towards a brighter tomorrow.
For though my heart may be broken,
I know that time will help somehow,
And one day soon I'll be able to say,
That I've moved on from this heartache.
The Tale of Two
Created: Jun 1, 2019,
Last modified: Feb. 18, 2023
The whispers in our minds
are a toxic lure
urging us to give up
to suffer in obscure
they say no one will ever
comprehend the pain we bear
condemning us as feeble
for shedding tears in despair
As our wounds begin to bleed
from the cuts that we’ve just made
we gaze at old scars, still raw
a constant reminder of our tirade
their voices so cruel
never ceasing to torment
haunting us without release
as we yearn for a peaceful moment
Their whispers in a tongue unknown
yet we understand every tone
they coax us to do their bidding
to grab the blade and start the cutting
a taboo we dare not share
this dark deed, our cross to bear.
Geheiligte Liebe mit
Created: May 17, 2019
Last modified Nov 18, 2021, 11:52
Emotions. Do I feel them? I was numb and frozen, Yet I dimly sparkled like a dying gem. Eyes closed, Heartbeat stopped, Barely alive. I a hollow shell. Into an endless oblivion we fell, Pitch black and nearly brain dead. There was nothing in our head. Emotion-is it love? Why is it so painful? Once crystal clear and beautiful, Now a turned poison from what was as pure as golden dust. My eyes opened, My tears flowed Standing in front of a dirty mirror Watching as I slowly die hollow.
Love?
Created: Mar. 8, 2020
Last modified: Jul 1, 2022, 13:49
Each time I see you, you’re grinning.
each minute I’m with you, you’re
grinning like everything is great.
each time I kiss you, you’re grinning.
each time you hold me in your arms
also, I look into it, you think down and grin 🙂
Our phone calls are filled with joy,
I can’t recall a time when you didn’t beam,
you exude happiness, and it’s something I adore.
I’m in love with this side of you
When you smile, I get butterflies,
you make me so happy, it’s hard to describe,
you’ve healed my heart and fixed the breaks,
with every kiss, embrace, and declaration of love.
I feel blessed and grateful to have you,
holding my hand, reminding me of our love,
you’re amazing, and I treasure you deeply.
So take my heart and all my love.
You And Me
Created: March 14, 2019,
Last modified: Jul. 20, 2019, 12:15
load my gun.
Fill up the chamber.
and let the lies fly.
from your lips,
ricochet and lodge
past the scarce armor
of my ribcage
into this glass heart of mine
let my insecurities bleed out.
don’t staunch the flow.
pierce my skin!
with the shards of my heart
end me and your misery,
squeeze the trigger!
with practiced ease
breathe in,
breathe out.
breathe in… But remember we are one and the same playing a dangerous game.
two people walk in no one comes out.
Life must be taken without any doubt.
Last words
Created: Oct 13, 2019
Last Modified: Oct 13, 2019, 5:55
Take this blade, and take my life,
Take anything I have to give,
Take this knife, and take my soul,
Take anything I need to live.
Save me from this hellhole,
I don’t wanna live,
Spare me the pain,
I have no more to give.
No time to help me,
I’m already dead,
No need to worry,
Don’t try and save, don’t be in a hurry…