Created: Nov 26, 2022 Last modified: Nov 26, 2022, 01:58 I have something to tell you that I haven't been able to do in a long time. I'm sorry for being myself. Even though I knew it would hurt you, I'm sorry for doing things that make you want to cry. Someday I'd like to forgive myself, but right now I just want to die. Painfully, I simply sat through, ready on my own, For a few reasons to expose myself, each time it failed, I had nothing. To make it acceptable, forgivable, Though you choose to ignore it, the fact that I harm you through my methods, I am aware of what I am doing and continue to do so, Everything is my fault, I see my mistakes, I'm surprised you haven't left me yet, I'm a terrible friend, I believe that, And I do nothing to change the reality, Whatever happens, I'm to blame, Because I don't have a reason, I'm sorry for ignoring the responsibilities I had, I'm sorry for everything I failed to do, I feel terrible for the nights I wasn't there, You were left to cry by yourself, I wasn't there to help…
Month: February 2023
Ihre Verkrüppelte Maske (Your Crippled Mask) Revamped
created: Feb 20, 2019
Last modified: Jul 18, 2019, 13:37
Who is she?
You think I know…
Behind her mask of a
smile is a desperate heart.
hiding tears flowing, slamming
against the walls of her damaged soul
like the rising waterscapes on a stormy day.
You think you see her for who she is,
but she’ll only allow you to see who she wishes was her.
You think you know her story,
the demons that she fights each day,
the scars she bears,
the pain she endures,
and the battles she’s won along the way.
But there’s a side of her that she keeps
hidden,
a vulnerability that she’s afraid to reveal,
a fear that her wounds will never fully heal.
She’s learned to wear a mask,
to hide her true emotions and thoughts,
to keep the world at arm’s length,
to guard her heart against being caught.
So you may never truly, know her,
the depths of her soul and her being,
but if you take the time to listen,
you might hear the songs her heart is singing.
She’s a warrior,
a survivor,
a force to be reckoned with each day,
a fighter who refuses to give up,
no matter what life may throw her way.
So don’t be quick o judge or assume,
or to think you have her all figured out,
for behind that smile and those eyes
She’s a master of disguise,
Crafting facades to protect herself from
prying eyes.
Abusive Relationships
Created: Jun. 9, 2022
Last modified: Jun. 26, 2022, 8:12
I’m beginning to get addicted
to the sensation of
being let down,
It’s becoming an addiction
That I can’t seem to shake
you construct a castle
however, you provide me with no room
to be me
to experience me
I don’t hold hatred toward you
It’s fear that grips me tight
and you’re making me live by
coaching me that love
And fear are one and the same
am I a trophy won
am I a crown that you wear
am I a flower
you add to your garden
am I shining
like gold
for your eyes
If you returned everything
that you took from me,
I wouldn’t even want it back.
you’re poisonous
to all you touch,
your arms rough
with abuse,
tongue laced
with antipathy-
each word
Another falsity.
Optimistic
Created: Feb. 21, 2023
We need some words to lift us,
to fill our hearts with hope and love,
when life seems tough and
the road ahead appears so rough.
Let us rise with strength and might,
and fight the darkness with our light.
Let us embrace life’s joy,
and dance with happiness,
free of strife.
Every day is a gift,
an opportunity to spread our wings and learn to dance,
to chase our dreams and make them come true,
and to find the courage to truly feel.
With every breath, we can choose,
To let our hearts be filled with hues,
Of love, kindness, grace, and joy,
And let our spirits soar, like a buoy.
So hold your head up high, my friend,
And let the love within you blend,
With all the goodness of the earth,
And find your joy, you’re own true
worth.
False Love? Part2
But now I see the truth so clear,
Your promises were insincere.
I was a fool to trust in you,
To believe in all the things you said you'd do.
(Mariana talking in her head as she cries o leave Aster's room↓)
My heart is heavy,
Burdened with pain,
But I know that I must refrain,
From Holding onto false hope and lies,
And from believing your alibis.
I'll pick myself up and start anew,
I'll find the strength to get me through,
I'll leave behind this hurt and sorrow,
And look towards a brighter tomorrow.
For though my heart may be broken,
I know that time will help somehow,
And one day soon I'll be able to say,
That I've moved on from this heartache.